Tuesday, June 30, 2009

crazy little thing called pride

Well friends, it's been a while since I wrote about something serious that's been on my mind/heart. I know some people might postulate that I'm a bit too personal on my blog, and while I respect that opinion 110%, I don't necessarily feel the same way. I find myself to be consistently encouraged when people share with me something God is teaching them, and it is my hope the same will happen when I share...even if it is a bit (or a lot) humbling.

I must admit that I've been wanting to write this post for about 2 weeks, but hadn't mustered up the chutzpah to make public something I didn't even know I struggled with. As the title suggests, I've been dealing with a crazy little thing called pride. Here's a look at the bumpy road I've been on.

I was reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis when I came across the chapter on the greatest human sin: PRIDE. What? The greatest human sin is pride? Yes, it actually makes a whole heap of sense seeing as though it was Lucifer's pride that got him kicked out of heaven - hello!?! Well, lucky for me, I am so perfectly humble (catch that sweet irony) that I don't need to worry one smidge about having this sin in my life. Who was I kidding? The more I thought about it, the more I realized my life reeked of pride.

Case in point: I feel it necessary to constantly tout my amazing feats of frugality to all those I come in contact with. I find it particularly essential to let friends and family know that I have not dined out, or purchased food out in months (unless I've used giftcards). Apparently, this makes me so incredibly superior (AKA prideful) that I need to force this habit on others and make them feel bad if they are spending money on food. What is my problem? I am so sorry if I have done this to you, and I will cease to make such comments. So in the future, if I decline your request to have dinner out, please don't take it personally. I simply don't have the means at the moment, but I won't bring that up anymore and I do want to hang out with you. Perhaps a tennis game or a cheap cup of coffee can be substituted?

I also find myself readily able and wholly determined to "handle things on my own," which again, is another behavior that is pride personified. At what point did I decide that God could only be trusted with some things, during certain times or in particular areas of my life? Is He really that small, and if so, why do I believe in such an inefficient, uncaring or incapable God? It seems rather counterintuitive, no? Yes, of course it does, which is why my attempts at fixing my little world are not only ridiculous, but also fruitless.

Finally, I tend to subconsciously compare myself to others in terms of service, sin, etc. Pride tells me I'm doing pretty good compared to this or that, but in reality, the moment we think we're doing pretty well is the moment we have to realize pride is rearing it's ugly head. Pride is one sneaky little sucker, and it can completely capture your heart if you are not on your guard.

What has God been showing you recently? What resources (books, podcasts, etc.) have you been challenged by recently?

1 comment:

Meggers1021 said...

I struggle with pride as well and try to catch myself from letting it continue. It is really hard though because we are taught to be proud of ourselves and be proud Texans and so on. P.S.- I'm down for some tennis!!! Love you!!