father knows best.

“We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”
C.S. Lewis

I recently came across this quote and my oh my, how it resonated with me! It spoke so deeply to my hurts and echoed the sentiments my heart had been silently harboring.

You see, dear friend, for quite some time, I thought I was lacking faith or confidence that God was in control, but in reality, I think I was (and am) more fearful that His best isn't what I think is best. Or, alternatively (and more in line with the quote), I was anxious or resentful of the pain that accompanied "His best."

Looking back on my life, I can clearly and definitively see the hand of God at work in my life "saving me" from particular decisions that I most certainly would have chosen had I been presented the option. In those moments, I logically, theologically and rationally knew God was doing what was best for me, but I was constantly wondering how much pain, hurt or disappointment would be the result of Him closing a door or opportunity.

I suppose this stream of conscience does not necessarily have a conclusion, but rather serves as a thought to meditate on. I almost derive a sense of relief at the realization that I'm not doubting God's best but wondering how painful (at least temporarily) His best may be...